


It’s called fear

by happy_lettuce_leaf



Series: Tony stark is an actual father [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Social Anxiety, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark gives Peter the hug, Tony Stark is a Good Dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 21:14:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20103712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy_lettuce_leaf/pseuds/happy_lettuce_leaf
Summary: Peter dropped the pen.That’s where it all started.And then All the eyes.And then he panicked.Or:Tony helps Peter cope when he gets stressed in a board meeting.





	It’s called fear

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my people
> 
> This is the result of no service for two weeks. Don’t blame me. Blame T-Mobile. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading :) 
> 
> Trigger warning for social anxiety and panic attacks. Stay safe <3
> 
> Also, forever and always, cussing.

He said it like red flags did not just pop up everywhere and the panic did not just rise up in his chest. He said it like it was that simple. Like everyone wouldn’t be starting at him as he got up and made his way out of the business meeting. 

Here is the situation: Peter was sitting there in a business meeting with Tony, who claimed Peter as his intern. Tony would occasionally ask Peter for a pen or a notepad, which made it seem like Peter truly was Tony’s PA.

But Peter had made a mistake and told Tony he had to use the restroom, which was a bad move all around. Tony would say “then go,” and make it sound like it was nothing. Like it wasn’t a big deal. Peter would refuse, then Tony would become skeptical.

That’s exactly what happened. It was a good thing Tony was good at being subtle about his curiosity, otherwise the whole board of Stark Industries would become curious and demand to know what was happening. It made Peter’s skin crawl and his palms sweat just thinking about it.

Every move Peter made during that meeting made him want to hide in a ball of shame and never come out. Because Peter had dropped the pen with a loud “clang” on the polished marble floor and everyone had turned their attention towards him. He didn’t like spotlights, metaphorically or literally. After Peter had picked up the pen and gave it to Mr. Stark, he felt like all eyes were on him. Always watching for an error or a slip up. Always waiting for him to do something wrong. It made his hands start to shake violently and his breathing to become short. 

The signs of panic became progressively worse over the next fifteen minutes, and Peter could barely hear the other board members presenting, and put in way more effort then should have been necessary to make it look like he was paying attention. 

Eventually Tony noticed (like he always does) and put a hand on Peter’s and gave a short squeeze, then started tapping. They each had learned morse code out of their own nerdy habits, and since then they used it as a way to communicate when they couldn’t speak.

MEETING OVER AT TWO 

YOURE FINE 

RELAX

Peter tried his best to look normal and natural. Tony never let go of his hand after that, and Peter used it for grounding and for reassurance that Tony was there.

But he couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander to the dropped pen, to the stares, to the awkward introductions and his sweaty palms as he shook hands with some of the board members. Everything screamed DANGER, and he felt like he needed to get out, needed away. Everything he did was wrong, and he ended up so focused on his error that he made another mistake. 

He resisted the urge to sprint out of the conference room, instead focusing on Tony’s presence. He checked the clock by the wall. Fifteen minutes to go. 

It seemed like forever until they were all standing up and Tony was shaking hands. Peter said a few “nice to meet you”s and shook a few more hands, praying that his hands weren’t too noticeably sweaty. Tony threw an arm around Peter’s shoulders as they walked out of the conference room, and Peter almost sobbed in relief. He refrained from letting the tears fall until they were out the door. 

Tony steered him to the nearest elevator, whispering a “hang on,” in Peter’s ear as they made their way there. Some board members had followed them out, looking like they were going to have a word with Tony about one thing or another. Tony wasn’t having any of it, instead giving a clear-cut “goodbye,” and climbing in the elevator and swiftly hitting the button to his room. The board members each looked slightly confused but not surprised, letting Tony go with a goodbye of their own. 

As soon as the elevator doors closed Tony ordered FRIDAY to keep the elevator doors shut no matter what. He unslung his arm from Peter’s shoulders and turned to face him, instead putting a hand on each shoulder. Peter promptly burst into tears, and Tony just brought him to his chest, rubbing his back comfortingly as Peter cried. 

“Hey, hey, Peter, its okay. You want to tell me what happened?” Tony asked gently. Peter nodded and looked up at Tony with shining, wet eyes. 

“All staring at me. Too many eyes and I just couldn’t-” Peter choked on his words, becoming increasingly frustrated with himself. 

“It's all good Peter. You hear me? That meeting went fine. I was the only one that noticed something was off with you, and that’s just because I’m a fucking genius and I know you too well.” Peter gave a short laugh and calmed down a little bit, but froze at Tony’s next words. 

“You said all the eyes? Staring? No one was staring at you,” Tony said, concern mixed with suspicion coloring his voice. Peter cried a little harder because Tony knew he knew he knew he was going to be embarrassed because Peter couldn’t fucking control himself-

“What? Peter, no. I’m not embarrassed. I don’t even know what’s going on,” Tony said, interrupting his thoughts and Peter said all of that out loud, didn’t he? He ripped away from Tony’s arms and started pacing against the far wall of the elevator. He could tell Tony didn’t know what to say because the genius kept opening his mouth and closing it again. Peter could practically see his brain trying to figure out what was happening.

“Are you ever in a room with a few other people and its silent and you can’t stop thinking about how they’re scaring you and how they’re staring at you and how you said the wrong thing or did the wrong things and they’re mad at you and they hate you and why would they even want you around anyway?” once Peter began rambling he found he couldn’t stop.

“And everything just comes crashing down and everyone is staring at you and judging you and you suddenly can’t breathe because you dropped a fucking pen and you can’t focus on a word they’re saying because all you can think about is the fucking pen and how you’re not normal and they know you’re not normal, you will never be normal, because you always say the wrong thing and do the wrong thing and then… and then…”

Peter felt more tears coming, felt his breathing get quicker, and oh god Tony knows, Tony knows, something’s wrong with him, something’s wrong with him. The panic hit him like a tidal wave, And then he was on the floor of the elevator, and Tony was sitting next to him, telling him to breathe, putting Peter’s hand on his chest and telling him to breathe. But Peter couldn’t breathe, he tried he was trying but he couldn’t he couldn’t-

“You feel me breathing? You feel my heart? Breathe with me Peter, you gotta breathe with me. You’re okay, you’re okay, we’ll get this worked out. You just have to breathe with me.”

Tony’s voice was soothing in Peter’s ear, and Peter breathed like Tony was breathing. And he tried, he kept trying, and he kept trying. 

And suddenly the panic wasn’t so blinding anymore. At least he could see, at least he could see Tony. Tony, his Tony, crouching in front of him. His Tony, putting a hand to his chest and he was breathing, he was breathing, he was breathing. 

He collapsed into him, clutching the back of his suit jacket and hiding his face in his neck, not wanting Tony to see him like this. He knew something was wrong with him. He shouldn’t be this afraid of people, shouldn’t feel this way. The shame washed over him, and tears leaked out of his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, because Tony really shouldn’t have to deal with this, really should be sitting in an elevator holding a crying kid. 

“Don’t be, okay? You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I’m proud of you for holding it together during the meeting. I didn’t realize it would be hard for you. If I did I would have never brought you. I’m the one who’s sorry, Peter.” 

Peter froze. He had expected an onslaught of words about how he isn’t good enough, how he will never be good enough, will never be better. Those didn’t come. It took him a minute to process these words, choking in surprise with more tears leaking out. 

“But- but- you’re not embarrassed? I- I- isn’t something wrong with me?” He hated how weak his voice sounded, hated how weak he was. 

“Listen to me Peter, very closely,” Peter immediately paid attention as Tony’s voice changed into one of seriousnesses. 

“There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. We can get this sorted out, and will. We will figure out together what’s making you feel like this, and work to solving that, okay? But nothing is wrong with you. A lot of people feel like you’re feeling. Hell, I even did when I was your age. I just compensated it with alcohol and unhealthy coping mechanisms. But you? We’ll work this out together.” 

Peter was still crying quietly into Tony, sitting on the floor of the elevator. 

“Come on Kid, let’s get you to our floor.” Peter noticed how it was no longer Tony’s floor, but their floor. It made him smile. 

The stood up together, together, because they would always be together, together. 

They got to the living room, where Tony sat them both down on the couch and ordered FRIDAY to make hot chocolate. 

“So kid,” Tony said, fresh hot chocolate in his hands. “Let’s talk. Totally low key, don’t go freaking out on me.”

Shit. Shitshitshitshit Peter was a burden, was stupid for thinking he wasn’t, Tony didn’t want him, didn’t want him, he was dramatic, sensitive, was a burden, stupid stupid stupid-

“Kid, woah, you’re okay, you’re okay. I’m sorry. My fault. Talk to me?” Tony put a hand on Peter’s shoulder, and Peter found himself leaning into the touch. Tony noticed, because Tony always noticed, and pulled Peter into him again. 

“Tony, I’m sorr-“

“Pause. Nope, nada, nothing. Don’t finish that. Talk about what you’re feeling. Thinking. Don’t apologize. Just describe.” Peter nodded, then took a breath. 

“I’m afraid of people. Well, not people in itself, but interaction with people. Whenever I mess up, I can feel stares and aggression and disgust. And I can feel their anger, even if it’s not there. My brain makes it up, and then I get really shaky because what if they don’t want me around? I should have never been there, should have never even tried to start a conversation because then when it breached awkward it’s my fault. It’s always my fault. And then I just feel like no one really wants me around? And then I get really nervous and panicky and I can’t stop the thoughts and it sucks but I- but I- deal. Cope. With it.”

There was a pause as Tony processed his words. 

“I don’t think what happened back there was coping, kid.” And his voice was gentle, was soft, was comforting, and it convinced Peter that is was okay, that Tony wasn’t mad at him. Peter’s eyes betrayed him and leaked out yet more tears. 

“I know,” was Peter’s only whispered response. 

They stayed like that for a while, Peter in Tony’s arms, crying quietly. 

Eventually they each changed into pajamas and settled on the couch to watch Star Wars. First, they sat about a foot from each other, but when Tony threw his arm up on the couch above Peter’s shoulders, Peter found himself leaning into Tony. He rested his head on Tony’s shoulder during the middle of the movie, and Tony rubbed Peter’s shoulder gently.

Peter fell asleep like that, and if Tony did not make it to his next meeting at seven in the morning, no one needed to know why. 

They were together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Please please please review!! Even if it’s not a good one!! I want to know what you think!! And tell me what I can do to improve for you guys :) 
> 
> I’m in desperate need of prompts. If you have a request, request it.


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